


A Hand to Hold

by Smalls2233



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Limbs, M/M, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 08:39:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smalls2233/pseuds/Smalls2233
Summary: Sometimes, Gabriel Reyes would look down to see his fingers intertwined with Jesse McCree's and wonder how he became such a lucky man.





	A Hand to Hold

Despite the hell of trying to find and keep a relationship going in Blackwatch, Gabriel Reyes considered himself to be a lucky man as he typed out a mission report one handed. His other hand was held tight by a napping Jesse McCree, fingers entangled around each other.

Gabriel diverted his eyes from his report to watch the steady rise and fall of Jesse’s chest as he slept. His hair was still wet from the shower he had run to immediately after the mission ended. It had been a week long op in some hellhole swamp in Louisiana where some fools had been starting up a militia to storm the omnics out of their towns. Jesse had run himself long and hard on the mission, sleeping maybe an hour max each night, so he had been a dead man walking when the adrenaline of the mission finally wore off.

It had become a habit for Jesse to barge into Gabriel’s office after a long mission and crash on his couch. At first, he had claimed that it was because Gabriel’s office was quieter than his shared room. Then, when Jesse worked his way up into a single, it was because Gabriel’s couch was more comfortable than the standard issue mattress he had in his room.

All of Jesse’s pretenses had dropped after a mission gone wrong where they had lost several assets and when Gabriel let Jesse into his office, he tearfully wrapped Gabriel in a hug saying, “Gabe, I can’t keep lyin’ about this no more. I love you so much, I know you’re my commander, but I’ve felt this way for years, and life’s too fuckin’ short to give a damn ‘bout protocol.”

Gabriel’s jaw dropped as he let out a shuddering breath. He had been in love with Jesse since the first day he saw him, restrained in steel cuffs, spit in Jack Morrison’s face and headbutt him in his stomach. But he was uncomfortable with his emotions. When his last relationship had ended, it had been with the accusation of him having “the emotional depth of a toddler developmentally stunted in that area.”

“Jesse,” Gabriel started slowly, working the words out in his mind before he spoke them aloud. “This” a deep breath, “This isn’t my strong suit, but I,” he swallowed hard. “I really care about you too.”

“You care about me?” Jesse hiccuped out a hysterical laugh. “What, like every other Blackwatch asset?”

“Shit -- Jesus, Jesse, no,” Gabriel swore. “Jesse, I’ve loved you for ten years now, ever since we dragged you out of that godforsaken desert I’ve been in love.” Gently, hesitantly he put his hand on Jesse’s cheek and wiped a tear away with his thumb.

Jesse looked at Gabriel, hope and joy replacing the tears in his eyes, “You mean that?” He whispered.

A genuine smile stretched across Gabriel’s face, “As much as I’ve meant anything in my life.”

Jesse let out a shuddering breath as he grabbed Gabriel’s hand with his own and pulled it off of his face, interlacing his fingers with Gabriel’s as he hesitantly brought his face closer to Gabriel’s and pulled him into a gentle kiss. Gabriel squeezed Jesse’s hand as he returned the kiss, wondering how he got so lucky.

Gabriel never stopped wondering that over his years of being with Jesse. Even through the stress of their job, the emotional burden and strain it brought to them, every day he was grateful for Jesse McCree.

Of course, when the world exploded into fire and ash in a mission, Gabriel wondered if he had stolen all of the luck from Jesse as he watched Jesse’s arm get crushed underneath burning metal.

Jesse’s scream was soul-chilling as Gabriel put all of his exhausted strength into pulling the metal trapping Jesse off of him. He didn’t care that the scorching hot metal was burning his skin through his tac gear and hoodie. All he cared about was getting Jesse out, keeping him safe, as Jesse’s screams of pain shot through him worse than any bullet.

“Jesse, it’s alright, you’ll be fine,” Gabriel babbled as he pulled Jesse out, for the first time inspecting the mangled, bloody, burned mess of his left arm. A hysterical laugh bubbled up from his chest as he remembered a conversation Jesse and him had had just a few weeks previously about removing the Deadlock tattoo from that arm.

“Gabe, it hurts,” Jesse whispered, throat raw from screaming.

“It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine,” Gabriel repeated, he wasn’t sure if it was more to reassure himself or Jesse. He kept repeating the words like a prayer as he carried Jesse back to the dropship, his own pains forgotten, mind hyperfocused on Jesse.

The entire ride back, Gabriel held Jesse’s remaining hand in his own. He knew that he had to step up and be the commander for the other assets on the team who were injured, though none as badly as him or Jesse as they had been the two to infiltrate the terrorist’s base in the frozen hellscape of Siberia. But he was in a state of shock unlike any he had been in since the first time he had lost a teammate back in his days in the US Army.

Jesse and Gabriel were dragged to the infirmary immediately after landing. At first, the doctors had tried to separate the two men, but Gabriel refused. He raised his voice and screamed, a rarity for him, when the doctors insisted. Eventually, after his screaming and pulling ran, they gave in and put Gabriel into a bed next to Jesse’s as the doctors inspected their injuries.

Gabriel was bad, thanks to him saving Jesse, his body was covered in second and third degree burns, imprints of his tac gear were burned into his flesh like a brand. Thanks to the SEP, his wounds were already starting to heal, but that meant that the doctors had to reopen his flesh in order to get the shrapnel, dirt, and fibers from his clothing that was burned into him, out of his wounds. As they inserted an IV into his veins to sedate him, Gabriel reached out and grabbed Jesse’s remaining hand with his and refused to let go.

When Gabriel awoke, Jesse was gone and Ana Amari was sitting on his bed in his place.

“Gabriel,” Ana greeted, noticing his stirring.

“Where’s Jesse?” Gabriel asked immediately, voice rough and gravelly thanks to the smoke.

Ana fixed him a look and spoke slowly, “Jesse is in surgery.”

“How long has he been in surgery?”

“How long have you two been together?” A counter question.

Gabriel grit his teeth, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ana.”

“Gabriel, don’t lie. How long?”

Gabriel exhaled slowly through his nose, “About five years now.”

Ana swore in Arabic, “Gabriel, you’re his commander.”

“Ana, he’s a grown adult.”

Ana pinched the bridge of her nose as she stood up off of Jesse’s hospital bed and paced around. “I don’t care how old he is, because I personally do not care about your relationship. You two are good for each other. The problem is that Blackwatch is already starting to be put under scrutiny, and what is going to happen when it’s found out that the commander of it is sleeping with his second in command?”

“They won’t know, because you won’t tell them,” Gabriel said slowly.

“I won’t tell them?” Ana asked, incredulous. “Gabriel, it doesn’t matter if I say anything or not. The way you behaved after this mission has raised questions among staff who have brought them to me.” She paused for a moment, fixing her dark stare on Gabriel, “And they brought them to Jack.”

“I don’t give a shit about what Jack thinks,” Gabriel spat out, clenching his fist and feeling the healing skin stretch painfully on his forearm.

“You’re missing the point,” Ana hissed. “I don’t care about whatever dick measuring contest you’ve been having with Jack for the past twenty-something years, concerns were raised on an official level. We can’t just brush them off.”

“So what?” Gabriel asked, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I’m gonna be accused of favoritism and fraternization on top of war crimes, murder, assassinations, and whatever the fuck else is thrown on me for just doing my job? Oh, and on the record, I didn’t instigate things, you could ask Jesse yourself when he’s out of surgery, but I’d really rather him not be brought into this until he’s healed.”

“Gabriel, I’m sorry but--”

Gabriel cut her off, “Ana, just,” an exhausted exhale, “Just go. File the report or whatever you need to do about this, but I’m exhausted and beside myself with worry about Jesse.”

“Tell Jesse I said hello,” Ana said gently, putting her hand on Gabriel’s. “Gabriel, I just wish you had told me about this before, as a friend.”

“I wanted to avoid shit like this, because you’re my friend, but you’re also someone who would have had to report it,” Gabriel felt all of the years of stress weighing down on his shoulders.

“You know I just want you to be happy, Gabriel,” Ana said. “Ever since things had gone sour with Jack, you had been unhappy. That changed when you picked Jesse out of Deadlock, everybody could see something happening.”

“Everybody but Jack, I can assume,” Gabriel said bitterly.

“Jack’s still convinced he can fix what went wrong twenty-something years ago.”

“Jack’s the one that broke it off,” Gabriel scowled. “He can fix what went wrong if he got his head out of his ass and actually look at his own behavior.”

“You both made mistakes, Gabriel.”

“I know that,” Gabriel snapped. “But I at least tried to change. Jack just buried himself in work and tried to pretend that he didn’t rip my heart out.”

“But you’re happy now,” a statement, not a question.

“Yeah, I am,” Gabriel said, jaw set firm. “And I’m sorry that it’s a problem, but I’m not going to let Overwatch ruin the one good thing I’ve gotten out of my years dealing with this fucking hellhole of an organization.”

“I understand,” Ana said gently. “I’ll try to get it taken care of as quietly as possible, but I’m not sure how much I can do.”

“I know,” Gabriel’s voice was quiet and small. “Ana, I love him with my entire heart, I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him. Seeing him there, screaming in pain, it was like I was the one trapped under there. I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost him.”

Ana smoothed a hand along Gabriel’s hair. It was getting long, in the stress of Blackwatch crumbling around him, Gabriel had become more lax with it. Before, he would buzz his head down once a week, but then it became once a month, eventually he had just stopped buzzing it all together. “I know,” Ana soothed. “I worry every single day about Fareeha in the military. I know how terrifying it is to think about losing someone you love.” She planted a kiss on his forehead, hair brushed back. “Get more sleep, Gabriel, you may be a super soldier but those burns would have killed any other man.”

“I’ll try,” Gabriel said unconvincingly.

“Do you need me to call a nurse to get you sedatives?” Ana asked.

“No, I’m fine,” Gabriel said, and judging by Ana’s raised eyebrow, he once again failed to convince her.

“I’ll have a nurse check in on you in half an hour, if you’re not asleep then…” She trailed off.

“Yeah, I got it, thanks, mom,” Gabriel laughed.

“Goodbye, Gabriel.”

“Bye, Ana.”

To Gabriel’s surprise, quickly after Ana left, he managed to fall into a deep sleep. Nightmares flashed behind his eyes briefly, images of fire and loss, before it all went dark.

It took weeks for Jesse to get to a point where he could leave the infirmary. And it took time to adjust to losing his arm. Before he got the prosthetic, Gabriel noticed him start to reach for things with the stump before jolting it back with a start. Even Gabriel had tried to grab Jesse’s hand on that side, or Jesse tried to grab Gabriel’s, before realizing their mistakes.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jesse had screamed one day after reaching for a flashbang in training. “I’m so fuckin’ tired of this shit.”

“Jesse?” Gabriel asked, looking away from the asset whose skills he was assessing. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Jesse laughed bitterly, hot, angry tears brimming in his eyes. “What’s wrong is I’m fuckin’ useless now and no one has the fuckin’ guts to tell me.” He slammed the metal wall with his remaining hand, hard enough to dent the metal. “When will you stop tip toeing around this and just tell me to pack my shit up an’ leave?”

The Blackwatch assets in the room looked at each other uncomfortably, trying not to stare at Jesse. “Dismissed,” Gabriel said softly at first, but when nobody moved Gabriel roared, “ _Get out of here_.” Quickly, the assets filed out of the room, Gabriel could hear them whispering to each other but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he walked over to Jesse, slowly and carefully, like Jesse was an injured, wild animal.

“Sweetheart,” Gabriel softly said. “You’re not useless.” He wrapped his hand around Jesse’s and rubbed circles on the back of Jesse’s hand. His other hand he put on the side of Jesse’s face and wiped away a tear.

“I am though,” Jesse sobbed openly. “I can’t fuckin’ do our job one handed. I’m a liability on the field now. Just throw me out, Gabe.”

“You’re not gonna be one handed forever,” Gabriel reminded him.

“So I’m gonna get a metal hand and then what? It ain’t never gonna be like the real thing.”

“Jesse…”

“Gabe, I just gotta be alone right now,” Jesse sniffed, pulling his hand out of Gabriel’s. “I appreciate it but… Just, just not now.”

Gabriel nodded slowly, “I’ll be in my office, Jesse. If you need me.”

“Thanks, Gabe,” Jesse said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. “I just can’t be with anyone right now, not like this.” He didn’t have to motion to the stump of his arm for Gabriel to know what he was talking about.

Gabriel left and locked the training room, listening to the sounds of Jesse’s loud, sorrowful wails, feeling utterly useless and hopeless.

\---

It might have even been harder for Jesse to adjust to the prosthetic than it had been to the loss of his arm. Gabriel had awoken one night in their shared bed to Jesse staring at the cold metal, tears dripping down his face as his flesh and blood hand shook. Gabriel blinked the sleep out of his eyes as he scooched over to Jesse and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Gabe,” Jesse whispered, voice thick with tears. “Gabe, this thing ain’t right, it ain’t me. It’s too cold, too hard.”

Gabriel slowly wrapped a hand around the cold metal, feeling it warm up as it leeched his body heat. Almost hesitantly, Jesse tightened his grip around Gabriel’s hand, the sensation of Gabriel’s rough palm and fingers dull, but there thanks to the sensors in the cybernetic hand.

He took his time with Jesse, the two men silent as Gabriel continued to slowly warm up Jesse’s palm and fingers. The metal wasn’t completely smooth on his palm and pads of his fingers, instead it was slightly rough in order to give Jesse a better grip on items, and Gabriel began to memorize the texture of it.

Jesse’s breathing was ragged, his heartbeat erratic as Gabriel’s thumb stroked circles on his palm. A small, surprised gasp left his lips when Gabriel brought Jesse’s cybernetic to his lips and planted a trail of kisses from his fingertips, to his palm, to the back of his hand.

“It’s not too cold,” Gabriel said after a moment, lips still pressed against the back of Jesse’s hand. “It’s the perfect temperature.” Jesse’s fingers twitched nervously as Gabriel moved Jesse’s hand to cup his cheek. “It’s not too hard, it’s perfect for this.” He rubbed small circles on the back of Jesse’s cybernetic hand with his gun calloused thumb.

Jesse let out a shuddering breath as he leaned back onto Gabriel’s warm, strong chest. He wasn’t sure what to do with the cybernetic -- his hand as Gabriel held it close to his face. Jesse could feel the roughness of Gabriel’s goatee on his palm. Vaguely, he could feel the rough scars that marred Gabriel’s face underneath his fingers.

Jesse turned around to wrap his arms around Gabriel’s waist and press his face into Gabriel’s chest. He felt his tears stain the fabric, and he swallowed hard and said, “Thank you, Gabe.”

Gabriel smoothed down Jesse’s hair with a gentle touch, “Jesse, i would do anything for you,” he said softly.

Hesitantly, Jesse pulled his cybernetic away from Gabriel’s waist to wrap their hands together. He hated the way he could barely feel Gabriel’s hand, couldn’t feel his warmth, but Gabriel squeezed his hand hard. “I’d do anything for you as well,” Jesse said softly as he pulled Gabriel in for a kiss.

Gabriel cupped Jesse’s jaw with his free hand as he returned the kiss. It was gentle, Gabriel wanted to ground Jesse, to let him focus on something familiar and comforting to him. Jesse just craved the touch, the intimacy of Gabriel.

The kiss quickly evolved into something more as Jesse let go of Gabriel’s hand to instead hike Gabriel’s shirt up and explore his chest. They had sex earlier that evening, and had it with some frequency ever since the explosion, but Jesse had been hesitant about touching Gabriel with his cybernetic, and Gabriel hadn’t wanted to push Jesse on it.

The metal on Gabriel’s skin was warm as Jesse kneaded his muscular tit with it, slightly textured fingers and palms rubbed circles on his skin and nipples, scratched at his chest hair. Gabriel groaned quietly into the kiss, lips falling more open and becoming more pliant as Jesse felt him up anew.

His groans grew louder when Jesse broke free of the kiss and pressed his forehead against Gabriel’s as his hands went south, though Gabriel’s shirt stayed hiked up. “You’re so perfect, Boss,” Jesse whispered as he stroked Gabriel’s stomach, feeling the hard muscle beneath his hand. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“I could, mm, say the same thing,” Gabriel said between gasps as Jesse moved his hand down to caress the hard bulge in Gabriel’s sweatpants. He barely refrained himself from bucking up into Jesse’s hand. He knew that he needed to let Jesse take things at his own pace, get comfortable. So as difficult as it was for him, Gabriel sat stock still and pliant to Jesse’s ministrations.

It was a task made more difficult as time passed. Gabriel could have sworn hours passed before Jesse finally took Gabriel’s cock out of his pants, though it could really have only been a couple of minutes.

“You good?” Gabriel asked as Jesse stared down at the way the metal of his hand caught the dim light of the room.

“What?” Jesse asked before processing what Gabriel had asked him. “Yeah, I’m… I’m good, just gotta take it slow.” Jesse was quiet for a moment as he pulled his own hard cock out of his pants. “Could you hand me the lube?” He asked as he brought their cocks together.

Gabriel’s breath hitched at the friction which only grew more intense as he twisted around to grab the lube from the nightstand.

“You know,” Jesse said as Gabriel handed him the bottle. “If Overwatch is gonna waste all this money on me and some experimental cybernetic, the least they could do is make it lube itself up.”

Warmth blossomed in Gabriel’s chest as Jesse made a genuine joke about his cybernetic for the first time. “Yeah?” He asked, grin stretching across his face. “Want me to bring it up to the Doc next time I see her?”

Gabriel could feel Jesse’s grin as he buried his face in the crook of Gabriel’s neck. Jesse’s unkempt facial hair and breath scratching and tickling his skin as Jesse said, “Gabe, I’d rather lose my other arm than have you ask Angie that.”

“I’ll keep that in mi--aah,” Gabriel broke off with a moan when Jesse brought his lubed up hand to their cocks. He wasn’t sure when Jesse had uncapped the bottle and poured the lube into his hand, but he couldn’t find himself to care as Jesse began slowly stroking their cocks.

By Jesse’s hitched breaths, Gabriel could tell that Jesse was just as affected by the feeling as he was. Slowly, hesitantly, Gabriel brought a hand forward to rest on top of Jesse’s cybernetic hand on their cocks. Jesse paused momentarily, body tensing, before he relaxed and let Gabriel help set the pace.

Despite not having been teased before the handjob, Jesse came first. His hips thrust erratically into his and Gabriel’s hands and he bit down onto Gabriel’s collarbone to keep down his moan. Gabriel followed him quickly, cum splattering on their hands and chests.

Jesse’s cock had gone soft, and Gabriel’s was only half-hard after they came, but Jesse whispered into Gabriel’s neck, “Can I fuck you?”

“Is that ever a question?” Gabriel asked, chest still heaving from his orgasm.

“Just makin’ sure you ain’t gonna pass out on me,” Jesse said as he interlaced his fingers with Gabriel’s and planted kisses up his neck. “You’re an old man an’ my bullshit cryin’ woke you up.”

“Babe,” Gabriel said, tightening his fingers around Jesse’s. “Listen to me, don’t ever feel bad about your feelings.” He couldn’t help but feel hypocritical about telling Jesse not to worry about his feelings. But Jesse needed to hear it, and on some level, so did Gabriel.

“We don’t need to think ‘bout it right now,” Jesse said as he nibbled on Gabriel’s jaw. “I don’t want to be thinking about nothin’ but you right now.”

Jesse pushed Gabriel back, pushed his legs apart, and situated himself between them as he once again applied lube to his fingers. Gabriel was still loose from earlier that night, so Jesse was able to easily slide a finger into him.

It was a slightly awkward task, preparing Gabriel with his left hand. Jesse had always used his right hand for prepping Gabriel or himself. But he was on a mission to make himself more comfortable with his new arm, and when Jesse McCree had something in mind, he never strayed from it.

When he felt Gabriel was ready, Jesse slid another slick finger into him. It was with that where he finally began to have his fun. Gabriel’s cock was beginning to return to hardness while Jesse’s was still recovering. Jesse took his time, his eyes were focused in on Gabriel’s face. Gabriel’s lips were slightly parted and his eyes were closed as Jesse fingered him.

Jesse’s own cock was beginning to stir once more as he added a third finger to Gabriel and listened to him gasp. He loved that he was the only one who could see this side of him. Soft and vulnerable, unlike how Gabriel let everyone else see him.

Jesse planted a kiss on Gabriel’s now rock hard and leaking cock before whispering, “I’m gonna fuck you now, Gabe.”

“Please, Jesse,” Gabriel moaned as he arched his hips up. “I need you.”

“Now if I can’t refuse that,” Jesse laughed as he stroked his cock to full hardness. “But I need you too Gabe, don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to reply, but all that left it was a moan as Jesse entered him. Jesse too was moaning softly as he slowly slid into Gabriel. Gabriel was well prepared and still pliant from earlier, so Jesse was able to quickly and easily slide in. Soft moans of pleasure only grew louder as Gabriel whispered praise, telling him how perfect and beautiful he was.

When Jesse was fully seated in Gabriel, he began to rock his hips back and forth in shallow thrusts. He wanted to take his time, to savor the moment while Gabriel intertwined his hand with Jesse’s cybernetic one that had been resting on his chest.

“Jesse,” Gabriel whispered in praise as Jesse began to ramp up the pace, hips slamming into Gabriel hard before quickly pulling back out. Gabriel’s cock was leaking onto his stomach and he was seeing stars as Jesse hammered into his prostate. “Jesse I love you,” he said between moans. “I love you so much.”

“Gabe, I love you too,” Jesse replied before devouring Gabriel’s mouth in a hungry kiss. Jesse’s grip on Gabriel’s hand grew tighter as his thrusts grew faster. Neither man was going to last much longer.

Gabriel threw his head back, breaking the kiss with Jesse, as he came. His cum splattered on his stomach and on Jesse’s chest as he came, all but screaming Jesse’s name. Jesse followed him soon after. His thrusts were short, shallow, and fast as he chased his own orgasm. He came hard into Gabriel, the name of his commander was a prayer from his lips as he reached his own orgasm.

Jesse’s breath was shaky, though no longer with tears, as he collapsed onto Gabriel. “Gabe,” he said softly as he laid down on top of Gabriel, not caring about the cum covering both of their chests. “You said you’d do anything for me?”

Gabriel pulled their entwined hands to his mouth and kissed the back of Jesse’s hand. “Anything.”

“Leave with me.”

“Leave Blackwatch, Overwatch. Just get out and get a house somewhere. Adopt a dog or something,” Jesse said.

“Jesse, I can’t just leave,” Gabriel protested weakly. “Blackwatch needs me, needs us.”

“Gabe, I’m not as useful no more,” Jesse said softly. “I got the cybernetic and it’s good, but it’s still so foreign to me.”

Gabriel swallowed hard, “You’ll get used to it in time.”

“Gabe, I don’t want either of us to get hurt again,” Jesse paused as he nuzzled Gabriel’s chest. “I don’t want to lose you. Blackwatch will either be fine without you, or it’ll die, but I really don’t give a shit ‘bout that. All I care about is you.”

Gabriel smoothed Jesse’s hair with his free hand as he considered Jesse’s proposal. He had been miserable in Blackwatch for the past couple of years. Jesse had been the only good part of it all. He exhaled slowly as he said his next words carefully, “I can’t promise I’ll be any good in the normal world, but I’m getting old. I guess now’s a good of time as any to retire.”

Jesse’s eyes lit up in pure joy for the first time in months, “Gabe,” he whispered. “Gabe, thank you.”

“I love you, Jesse,” Gabriel said before kissing him gently.

“Gabe, I love you with my entire heart,” Jesse replied as he returned Gabriel's kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapters of Hard Road Again/Summer Loving coming soon lol  
> I had originally written this for the mcreyes zine Smoke and Bones which I'm participating in, but then the word limit changed and I wasn't able to fit it into 1k words so instead I decided to bump it up from 1.5k into this lol  
> I feel bad that in like every fic I write with Jesse in it, he's gone through some trauma. I'm sorry jesse I love you  
> \---  
> Follow me on social media @smalls2233


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